House Education
by rite2write465
Summary: 1 House plus 1 Cuddy plus Many teenagers equals Huddy! i wrote this when i was bored. House teaching a very special lesson. Yay! rated T for now...


House – Education

House was sat dozing in his chair. He was about as content as he could be. His Vicodin bottle in one hand and Ipod in the other. Although he was a bit bored, he had no case, no one to battle. This was until Cuddy walked in of course.

"You need to be in clinic- "

"Yeah, I should but your rotundas ass is blocking me." He hadn't even opened an eye. That was pure talent. He turned up his new, silver Ipod touch. She yanked the earpieces out. She knew not to beat around the bush.

"Either you go to clinic or I'll have you talk to high school students about the importance of safe sex. Your choice." He knew that was meant to be a punishment but… he had a _really _good idea, as per usual.

"You wouldn't dare throw me in with the whining, snivelling bunch of high schoolers. You know that I would hate that and you can't stand me in any sort of – "he was cut short of his speech in shock as Cuddy pulled out her cell phone and dialled.

"Hi, Lisa Cuddy of Plainsboro teaching hospital, regarding that speech we talked about… today sounds great…he'll be there momentarily… how long will it need to be?... lunch 'till four? … no problem… bye." She hung up the phone and smiled somewhat triumphantly. "I'll be there to so don't screw it up to much." With that, Cuddy walked out and House watched her leave, lent back in his chair and smiled. This would be interesting.

(An hour later)

The silver Lexus slowly stopped outside George Washington High school. It was an old looking school. It was three stories high and quite big. The two doctors walked into the school without a word. Cuddy sensed impending doom. House was whistling to himself. He was of course whistling _the discovery Channel by the Box Gang. _

Before they walked into the heads office to notify their arrival, Cuddy grabbed House's arm.

"If you make anyone look stupid, including the faculty and myself, I swear I will fire your ass!"

"Yes mistress." He poked his head around the door, "yeah I'm here to teach the kids about condoms."

"Okay, right through here," the head mistress smiled, she knew that this man would either prove an amazing point or scare kids away from sex forever. Maybe both, either way, she could tell this man had a good sense of humour. She led them into a hall packed with teenagers. She showed them to a couple of folded chairs in the centre of the stage.

"Hello, I hope that you enjoy this and remember, the more questions you ask the less lesson time you have, now here is your speaker on the subject of safe sex, Dr Gregory House." A couple people clapped as House walked up to the podium, most people snickered.

Cuddy had been wondering how House would start his lecture, she hadn't anticipated that he would start it the way he did.

"Hello, my names is Greg, you can call me House-"

"I'm gonna make a brick…House!" one of the teenagers sang from the back of the auditorium, House continued regardless and flawlessly.

"Hands up if you've done the nasty," One jock lifted his hand; no one else moved a muscle.

"You're all lying, including frat boy, anyone who says they had sex arrogantly obviously did not, and let's face it, It's New Jersey; you've all had sex… except for you." He paused and let the info sink in, then moved on.

"Based on the assumption that you're _all _virgins, has anyone _not _been told what sex is?" One girl piped up,

"We learnt it in biology!" House shook his head.

"Not quite what I meant. We all know where babies come from, we're not _all _retarded," he glared at the jock, who was now not smiling and nudging his friends, "I mean has anyone told you what sex is about?" the room was silent. "I'm expecting one person to answer, I'm not continuing if you don't that means back to lessons," Four hands went up into the air, he picked on a blonde girl, she was smallish and had a couple spots but was quite pretty really, "Yes you, blond girl."

"I'm Hazel Chase,"

"Do you know a Robert Chase?"

"That's my uncle." Her accent wasn't as strong as her uncle's. "My older brother told me sex is about having fun and blowing off steam." There were giggles of course, over the word 'blowing.' Hazel ignored them, "it's not necessarily about commitment."

"Your brother, how old is he?"

"21 he's in collage, apparently he looks like my uncle Rob, but dresses better."

"Fair enough. Since we've started this assembly, I've had an idea, there is a box next to my chair just over there, at break time write down your own questions and I will answer them. Unless anyone wants to ask an UN anonymous question… nope! Well then you are excused for five minutes, write questions in your note book, when we come back, fold up your paper, pass it to the front, I'll put it in my mystery box and we'll reallyget going. Now, GO!" And with that he limped back to his seat and started to rip a hole in the top of the cardboard box sat next to him, he noticed there was packets of something inside. He turned it upside-down and found himself with a mound of condoms on his lap. He shrugged, picked up the box and walked around putting one packet on each seat. When he was done, the children were starting to file back into the auditorium and giggling at what lay on their seats. Soon enough, pieces of torn paper were being passed forward to the front, when all the paper was gathered in, House put them in his 'mystery box' and shook them all up, he pulled one out with a flourish.

"Dr House," he read, "I heard from 'a friend' that doing yourself will make you go blind, is this true? Well no it is not but if when you hear this information, you _do _decide to go home and masturbate then I will feel very sorry for you, and disturbed. " He pulled out another letter.

"Doctor House, me and my boyfriend had sex and we _were _safe but I think I'm pregnant, is that possible?" he sighed, "You kids do know condoms are ninety seven percent affective right? Seriously, watch _friends._" He rolled his eyes and yanked out another letter, "Yo House, me and my babe want to have sex but I want to use one condom but she says use two, which ones better? Actually, this might surprise you but using two condoms is actually more dangerous than one, no matter what Asher Roth says." This went on for a couple of hours with discussions on many of the topics the letters has to offer, all to soon House declared that there was only one letter left. He picked it up read it and his eyed widened in surprise, still he dutifully read it because the assembly _was _getting dull.

"Dear Dr House, who was the hottest chick you ever nailed?" He thought about this for a while and sat down at a chair by his podium. "Well I was in collage and I really liked this girl I mean really, I could barely keep at half mast for her. Anyway, turned out she had a boyfriend but he was a jerk, always cheating on her and well, that doesn't matter, the point is that we were doing homework, then she jumped my bones and let me tell you, she was fantastic in the sack. We went at it for _hours_. However, as I was falling to sleep, (She was already dead to the world) her boyfriend walks in and kicked me out of her dorm, telling me that if I tried that again, he would kill me. I never thought I would see her again; the boyfriend had forged a note from me telling her it was over, I didn't see her again for twenty years.

"Well it's been great talking to you but I have a life to get back to, saving lives and all, bye." With that, he trudged off the stage, closely followed by Cuddy and Mrs Fitzgerald, the head mistress. The head was the first to talk,

"Well Dr House, I must say, you're one of the best speakers we've ever had. You really connected with them, can we do this again next year? If so, you know where to find me." Mrs Fitzgerald decided to go and excuse the students for the day, House and Cuddy carried on in silence until they reached her car.

"I can not believe you did that, you lied about our one night stand to a bunch of teens, I mean really, House that's low. Even for you." Cuddy could not believe what he had done, in collage, he had had a great boyfriend. She knew she should have felt guilty about sleeping with someone else but she wasn't. She had felt so depressed when he had written that note. Her old boyfriend would never do that to her. Would he?

The rest of the car ride was uncomfortable and silent. Cuddy dropped House off at his place, for once in his life he made no rude comment. She drove herself home and picked up her mobile phone…

(The next day)

Cuddy sat in her office in utter silence, waiting for the inevitable. House had a new case which means a new risky procedure means…

"I need you signature." Cuddy looked up to see the famous diagnostician walk up to her desk, "It involves Foreman and Taub cutting a guy's head open to see if we can find-"

"You were right."

"Remind me what about, I'm right all the time so it's hard to tell."

"I talked to Brad." House's face became very solemn.

"We are trying to find an obscure auto-immune disease called"

"House! Stop deflecting and listen. He told me everything. I'm sorry."

"…I always wanted to call you… I was afraid for my life… soon it was too late and I tried to move on…"

"With Stacy and multiple unaccountable hookers,"

"Lies."

"Really?"

"Yep, all the prostitutes I know I met through Wilson, even Stacy."

"House!"

"I'm sorry. I truly am, is there any way I can make it up to you?"

"Meet me at Chez Henrietta at eight tomorrow night and we'll see. Oh and give me that file, no head hunting, literally."

What do you think? Should I continue?

Pssst! You, yes you. Press me!!!


End file.
